Help a mother out :)

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THE PAIN I BEAR

THE PAIN I BEAR 

If only people knew

What each day I go through

Then maybe they would understand

That daily I feel the sounds of the band

Waking up to a beautiful day

Wishing I could consume a pain free day.

At first when I slither out of bed

Every inch of my head

Pounds to the beat of a drum

And instantly I know the agony has begun

And when I stand

The sounds inaugurate of the band

Walking to the beat of my body

Nearly collapsing with each step

I reach out to what is near and grasp with my hand

Secretly wishing with my every strum; I would have more pep

That I would have a strong body

Wishing all the while I could be pain free

That others, through my eyes, could see

Yet as I listen to the deep-toned  band

The strings begin to pull

And the pain devastates my body full

Then from my head it travels lower

I encounter the shadow of power

The sounds of the band get louder

As the pain embraces me all over

And the strums of the strings

Send radiating bitterness; that through my body rings

Most days the tears roll intermittently

As the keys touched are played continually

Sitting or standing

Barely walking

If only people knew

Would it change what they believe

Would it change what they understand

Would they realize and believe it to be true

What I daily go through

I pray for relief on a daily basis

For the pain to evaporate if only for a moment

That my body would not have to endure the torment

For my mind to be able to ignore the pain that races

Old and dilapidated

Fragile yet not over rated

Wishing the night would come

So I can sleep through the pain that strums

Yet every day I feel the beat of the band

From the tip of my head down through my hand

Pumping its way down to my toes

Piercing every inch with its powerful tones

The drums beat and pound loudly

Pumping its vibration through my body

I question, will I ever have a relaxing day

Where I wake up to relief and know it will stay

Yet in my mind I scream out loud

Holding my head up high and proud

Pushing to last amongst the beats

As they roll down my spinal streets

Oh how I wish others could understand

That I painfully dance in piano land

In my mind; encompassing my body

Feeling the beats of the band

Ever playing in my life daily

The music that cascades from the band

Everyday reaches out and clutches my hand

Thus as I listen and feel everyday

I long for the nightly cocktail that sets me to a lay

Sent into a peaceful state

Quiet; for a while the band does evaporate

Oh how I wonder will they ever understand

Will they ever know without having to relate

That my body daily bears and moves to beat of the band

Yet I know they will never understand

What I day-to-day go through

They; you

Will never understand 

By: Jl (Loser) Adams

January 14, 2013

 

 

 

SLEEP

SLEEP 

I want to sleep

Not dream…

Just sleep

Under the covers I want to hide away

Never to face the upcoming day

Curl up in the corner of the room

Cry until the sun dies and rise does the moon

I want to weep and blurt out

I want to scream and shout

And as the time does tick so slowly by

I wait in agony for the time I can say good night

I want to sleep

Not dream…

Just sleep

For when I am sleeping

I am not thinking

And when I am not thinking

I am peacefully living

I don’t feel like myself anymore

Will I ever more?

I can feel myself slipping

As the tears are dripping

Yet I hold on to a thread

One that is by my children and my love…fed

I want to escape all that is taking over my head

For it weighs me down like a ton of lead

To get through each day gets harder and harder

Yet as the time gets later and later

I long to sleep

Not dream…

Just sleep

 

By: JL Adams

July 7, 2012

LOVE IS LIKE A RIVER

LOVE IS LIKE A RIVER

Love is like a river constantly flowing

And when it is true love it is constantly showing

You will never be wondering

Yet always knowing

For this river is constantly flowing

Just as a river flows through the veins of the world

Love flows through the veins of our body

Ever present and ever so bold

Love feeds our life as the river feeds the trees

Love is like a river constantly flowing

And when it is true love it is constantly showing

You can feel it all around

With every breath and every sound

With every touch and every feel

You know without a doubt that it is real

And when that touch is absent

When that touch is non-existent

You rely on the words that come your way

And the feelings you receive every day

Love is like a river constantly flowing

And when it is true love it is constantly showing

It feeds your soul

As the sun feeds the flowers

It feeds your soul

Hours upon hours

Your heart opens up in ways you never could imagine

Knowing that this love could be no sin

Knowing that this love will forever live on

You begin to sing to a different song

Love is like a river constantly flowing

And when it is true love it is constantly showing

You will never be wondering

Yet always knowing

For this river is constantly flowing

By: JL Adams

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND

WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND

 

As I sit here and watch you sleep

Watch you fall into the deep

I wonder what has your mind ticking

I wonder what your mind is thinking

Does it carry in the waves that roar

Us holding hands upon the lines of shore

Or maybe the glistening of the moon beaming down

Upon two faces that know not how to hold a frown

Does the love we share

The love we have; that is so very rare

Hide behind the golden door within your mind

Or does it lay in every door from behind

As I sit here and watch you sleep

Watch you fall into the deep

I wonder what has your mind ticking

I wonder what your mind is thinking

What emotions drive you as you toss and turn

Is it us…

Laying close…

As our love does forever burn

Is it the forging of two souls that have finally come together

Knowing that this love will last forever

What scenes play out in your ever going mind

Do you search for what you must find

Do your journeys travel you far

Or nearer are the distances between you and the stars

Do you dream of the love we found though the waves of time

Do you dream of bliss that I am yours and you are mine

As I sit here and watch you sleep

Watch you fall into the deep

I wonder what has your mind ticking

I wonder what your mind is thinking

I wonder what has your mind ticking

I wonder what your mind is thinking

 

By: JL Adams

July 2, 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

SILENT

SILENT

 

A silent whimper from within

Inside…tears shed as blood flow does begin

Yet none is to be the wiser

Because I have become the master of all disguisers

On my face you will not see my burden

You will not see that to my knees that I have fallen

No tears will tremble down my face

Yet only will you see grace

But when the night creeps in and the moon does sore

When all are dreaming peacefully

The tears pour out as never seen before

They are never ending; flowing constantly

And with this continuous flow

No longer does my face glow

For it is covered in pain

Grief…

Worry…

Sadness…

All of which I wish would wash away in the rain

I cry silently every day

Wishing for a way

Hoping…

Praying…

Wondering how much I can and will have to endure

Knowing that my God will come through

I pray in tears that he will rescue me

That no longer will I have to cry silently

I pray that he will protect the ones I love

And send along his white dove

Guide me in the right direction

So no longer do I have to hide behind a fake reflection

Yet still…

A silent whimper from within

Inside…tears shed as blood flow does begin

 

By: JL ADAMS

June 28, 2012

 

 

WORTH THE FIGHT

WORTH THE FIGHT

 

It has been days since words were said

Days since actions were taken

My heart has taken on heaviness full of lead

Yet my love for him is not mistaken

Many days have passed

Many hours have lapsed

Since I have lost the one I love so dearly

And all I want is to have him once again near me

I have shed many tears…

Throughout the years…

But none as heavy as the ones I shed in this moment

None as salty as the ones caused by this torment

I cry and cry for my love

Even though all I receive is a further shove

I am pushed away from a life I had so long awaited for

From a love that I had never experienced before

It has been days since words were said

Days since actions were taken

My heart has taken on heaviness full of lead

Yet my love for him is not mistaken

I feel dead inside…

I feel dead inside…

No longer do I feel alive

No longer do I want to strive

I am a withered rose

In the heat for too long I have been exposed

It has been days since words were said

Days since actions were taken

My heart has taken on heaviness full of lead

Yet my love for him is not mistaken

I am a lonely leaf upon a branch

Hanging on by an inch

One wrong breeze will knock me down

And none will be around

I will fall and tumble to the ground

Yet none will hear the sound

None will be there to rescue me

None will be there to set me free

I will lay and wither upon the deadened grass

While I stare at a half empty glass

It has been days since words were said

Days since actions were taken

My heart has taken on heaviness full of lead

Yet my love for him is not mistaken

My love for him will never die

And that to him may seem like a lie

Yet it is what it is

My heart, for him, sings with bliss

Our love is worth the fight to get him back

For our love is full with no lack

There is never a dull moment when we are together

Never a feeling of loneliness

Never a feeling of wonder

Just pure love and happiness

So I will not give up on our love

No matter how many times I receive a shove

For I know that deep within his heart

He truly does not want for us to part

It has been days since words were said

Days since actions were taken

My heart has taken on heaviness full of lead

Yet my love for him is not mistaken

I will fight until the end of time

For I am meant to be his and he mine

I will fight for all eternity

I will fight for the love he once gave me

I wish I could turn back the days

For things would have been handled in more appropriate ways

Our love is worth the fight

Even if I have to show it from day into the night

It has been days since words were said

Days since actions were taken

My heart has taken on heaviness full of lead

Yet my love for him is not mistaken

Our love is worth the fight

He is worth the fight

For in every relationships there comes a moment

Where things are said as to torment

Said out of anger and hostility

None to be true in all reality

It has been days since words were said

Days since actions were taken

My heart has taken on heaviness full of lead

Yet my love for him is not mistaken

I will continue to put up the fight

Every minute of every day until things are made right

For I love him with all my heart

And I never want to lose him into the dark

I want us to shine once more

As we had done for years

I want us to shine forever more

With no more hurtful tears

It has been days since words were said

Days since actions were taken

My heart has taken on heaviness full of lead

Yet my love for him is not mistaken

Our love is worth the fight

Our love is worth the fight

 

By: JL ADAMS

June 9, 2012